We all have blind spots.
When I was single, people would say, you’re too intense.
That intimidates men.
I actually tried to entertain being “less intense”. LOL
You all might imagine how that might have looked.
Some of you know me from way back when and remember what I was like when I was single.
Those memories make me smile now, but it was excruciating to me then.
I felt like I was forever cursed to want men that didn’t want me back.
Then, one day, my therapist called out me on my bull shit.
She said, “the only common denominator that I see in all of these disappointing relationships is YOU.”.
I was horrified! “Moi?”
Oh yeah, she certainly did mean me as she stared right back firmly into my WTF eyes.
Oh shit, I thought. What if she’s right?
Then she asked me the perfect clarifying question.
“What if Mr. Wonderful walked through the door right at this moment and said, “here I am, Nora!”
I froze in fear!
My logical self was like, “wait, your scared of mr. wonderful, not possible”.
And my emotional self was like: “fuck yeah, I am! Run for the hills!”
Thus became my window of opportunity to get really honest with myself. Something I had previously been unable to do.
To really honestly get to know what I truly want in my life and relationships.
Not manifesting the relationship I thought I wanted or that society and family might have wanted.
Sure, most of me wanted it. For a variety of reasons.
But there was that deeply emotional, other part of me that was terrified and totally NOT READY to be in a relationship.
So I decided to start listening.
I got honest with her.
I let her get honest with me.
I laid off the internal pressure to find someone.
I decided to sit out of perusing romantic relationships.
I‘benched’ myself to get clear about what I truly wanted.
I leaned into my friendships. Especially, with the loving male friends I had.
I learned to cherish my familial male friendships. You know, the guys that feel like family who You’d never sleep with.
That was a powerful healing for me.
I actually fell in love with being totally single. Just me!
That was a time of brand new awareness and self discovery.
I made a promise to myself to periodically check in and see how I was feeling about relationships and notice if my heart changed about what I wanted.
I did that for 3 years.
Then I was ready.
I didn’t do anything magical, I just decided that all of me was ready.
It didn’t happen over night, but…
3 months later, there he was. My MAN.
It was clear, fun, powerful and most of all EASY!
16 years later, we‘re still going strong and leaning into the potential of what this relationship is really capable of.
He loves my intensity. The things that previously annoyed all of my past boyfriends, are things that he cherishes about me.
OMG! Amazing right?
It is AMAZING, and THAT is how life is supposed to work.
In love, career, parenthood, finances…. EVERYTHING.
You GET to have what you want, AND if you don’t have those things yet.
There are things you can do to get clearer.
Sometime you need someone who has the balls to tell you what you are refusing to see.
To get a loving swift kick in the butt to help you recalibrate your point view, and right your train.
I sure needed that and still do. We all have blind spots.
Discover and move beyond your blind spots in all areas of life!